My brother, Jacob Nickle is coming home from his mission in Africa TODAY!!! Wish I could be there when he gets off the plane. I can't wait to start heading down there as soon as possible. We plan on leaving tomorrow morning and getting there Saturday, that is, if I can just get my son better from his immunizations.
I know he reacts to immunizations EVERY TIME. His 7th grade DTAP shot needed done, and this summer we have been pretty sick, so I waited to give it to him until everyone seemed healthy. I did all I could to boost his immune system for several weeks before the shot. I even planned to make sure he had a week to recover. And I was hoping that because it had been many years since he's had any shots, and this was only ONE shot, just maybe he wouldn't get too sick. The doctor said he might get a slight fever for a day or two. Is 103 and above a slight fever? This is day 7 now and he is still holding on to a fever. Yesterday he seemed to be pulling out of it, but that was only a teaser. Last night his fever shot back up again. He has been up half the night. I am frustrated, beyond frustrated. My son is mad at the doctors, mad at the school for requiring it, mad at those “stupid” people who made the shot, and mad at anyone who has even the slightest connection to this shot whatsoever.
The other night though, I knelt down with him to say his nightly prayer. He was so weak that he couldn't get up to kneel himself, so he asked me to say a prayer for him. I proceeded to do so. Right at the beginning, I felt that I was supposed to thank Heavenly Father for these shots that help to protect us from much worse things. I didn’t want to. I don’t like immunizations. I have experienced so many adverse reactions either through me or my children, I can’t hardly stand the thought of them. When my son was only 18 months old, he had an extremely sever reaction to his shots. After a week of high fevers, he got a bloody nose. I did all I could to get it to stop. After an hour, I got really worried. After and hour and a half, I was freaking out. After two hours, I was packing him up to take him to the emergency room that I knew we would not be able to afford. Then my husband unexpectedly came home, took him inside, gave him a priesthood blessing, put him in the bath, and finally got his nose to stop bleeding. It took several months for him to return to “normal”.
I have read all the articles about how bad these shots are for you. I have also read all the articles saying how good and “safe” they are for you. There are shots I will not give my children because of very personal experienced known reactions to not just one child, but three, or the very thing that they don’t need that shot. That sickness is not that bad. I do my homework. I study it out. There are shots I will (reluctantly) give my kids. Especially the sicknesses that are deadly. (But I still cringe every time they get the shots.) I weigh out the pro’s and the con’s to each shot. I still can’t help though to feel I am poisoning my children. So no, there was not much gratitude in my heart for this shot or any other at the time of this prompting. So I continued on with my prayer. Again, I felt the prompting to thank Heavenly Father for the shots that protect us from much worse illnesses. I thought, maybe my son needed to hear this so that he could be comforted in this time and feel a little better about things. I finally followed the prompting. But the outcome was different than I had expected. It didn’t comfort my son, at least not to my knowledge. He hasn’t gotten better any faster. His feelings towards immunizations have not changed. The change happened in me. I suddenly felt an inkling, just an inkling, of gratitude start to grow in my heart. I don’t understand it. And in many ways it has made me more confused then ever. But maybe, just maybe, they are doing good for my children. I still firmly believe in becoming educated, and do what is best for you and your children, not for the doctor, and I do not believe they should make an immunization for every sickness they can under the sun. Ok, so I am still trying to sort out this feeling inside of me, trying to find my ground to stand on in this. But I cannot deny the feeling I felt, nor the change of heart that is taking place in me. I do hope that I can go to see my family. I do hope with ALL MY HEART, that my son will make a full recovery and not have any lasting effects from this, (and I know that can happen through a much higher power.) And in a very unexpected way, I am so grateful for that prompting that is changing me. In many ways it has comforted my heart. There have been many instances where I have felt that I have given my children these shots, trusting the doctors, and have only damaged my children. But not any more. I do not understand yet, nor do I pretend to even know what is going on, but again, I cannot deny what I felt that night, kneeling by my sons bed, and thanking my Heavenly Father for this protection.
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