Christmas Letter 2013

It’s Christmas Eve, that means it is time to sit down and write the Christmas letter.  This year has added new twists and turns in our life’s; some new things, some fun things, some nerve-racking things, some sad, ect . . .
    This year I finally figured out how to set up a website to post my music to.  It’s fun to be able to share my music.  I also have a facebook page.  I am definitely still learning the ropes of things, and trying to find time to spend on it is sometimes nearly impossible, but I am grateful that at least I have something now.  I am staying incredibly busy now with home-schooling one of my children, (you can read about that later), playing the piano for the intermediate school choir every day, teaching two music classes at the elementary school, teaching 6 piano lessons (not including my own children), help Blaine in cub scouts, lead the church choir, over 2 hours of homework with the other kids every night, and still have to keep up with all the regular duties.  At first I was going a little crazy, (well actually a lot) but I am starting to get the hang of things now. . . I think . . . knock on wood.
    Big Blaine has had a pretty crazy year with sequestrations for several months and then the shut down.  He is grateful to have a job, but he is still looking elsewhere just in case something better out there opens up.  Things are getting pretty stressful.  Who knows what will happen next.  He still dreams of his farm in Idaho.

    Serena has several friends this year which has helped make school a little easier for her.  She seems happier, (as long as I don’t ask her to go anywhere, or do anything out of the ordinary.)  She’s an interesting one I can tell you that.  I don’t think I have this dealing with teenagers thing down yet. All she does when she is home and has completed her daily duties is read, read, and more reading.  I guess normal life is just not interesting enough or something.

    Ralph made an amazing friend this year that has helped make things so much better.  And along with this friend came quite a few other friends.  My heart is full thinking about how things have played out for him. The other day though, Ralph decided to take his math test home because he didn’t finish it in class, and when I pulled it out of his folder, I didn’t take the time to look to see what it was, just saw that it was math and thinking it was homework had his dad sit down with him to finish it.  Oops.  When I found out that night, I felt awful.  Thankfully Ralph told the teacher the truth before I had to go and explain things to her. (She is the same person I work with in the intermediate school choir and I was dreading having to tell her that we helped him finish his TEST.) This summer he has found a love of hiking.  He wants to hike every moment he possibly can.  And because we don’t hike enough for him, he has taken to making “mountains” for his little rolly polly pets.  He spends hours outside building his mountains complete with rock slides and all.  He has also really gotten into pine trees.  He loves them.  Whenever we are driving home from school, he always tells me to slow down (on a 30 mile and hour road) because the trees are passing by too fast for him to be able to really look at them. 

    At the end of last years school, I started getting the feeling like something needed to change for little Blaine.  After getting the reports back from all of the end of the year testing and seeing how little progress he had made all year, I KNEW something really needed to change. After a lot of prayer, we decided to home-school him through an online school called Utah Online.  He has been making leaps and bounds.  He has progressed 1 ½ years already.  It takes a massive amount of time, but it is time well spent.  I do hope to get him back in school as soon as possible though.  We shall see how this year goes and just play it year by year, but more importantly, prayer by prayer.  He has taken to collecting “pets”. (They are not stuffed animals, they are real to him.)  When I told him I wanted to take a picture of all of his pets, it took him a good 15 minutes to get them all together and situated just right.  And he loves each and every one of them, especially his polar bear.  (You will see it in almost every picture he is in.)

    Matthew is going crazy with his engineering desires.  The other day in his classroom, the water faucet got stuck on and his teacher couldn’t figure out how to get it to stop, so she went to get the janitor.  While she was gone, he went over, looked at it for a bit, saw the problem, popped it back in place and fixed it before the teacher ever got back.  He loves to pull broken things apart and make new things.  He is amazing to say the least.  He tries to bring things to me so that I can help him figure things out and I just look at him and tell him its way over me.

    Alysha is just plain fun.  She loves to clog and dance.  She loves just about anything she puts her mind to learning.  She still plays the piano some, just not as much as I want her to.  All of my other children have struggled in school, but she is doing amazing, both socially and academically.  It is so nice to have one child that I don’t have to worry about much.  She can usually do her homework on her own which helps out a TON.  She is just all around fun and I am so incredibly grateful to have her in our family, our little caboose.  She also is incredibly clean and organized.  The last few days, she has helped to clean Serena's room, Matthew and Blaine's room and even tried to help Ralph, but he is pretty hard to work with.  The only room she needs to clean now is her own!!!

    I hope all is going well for all of you.  I am grateful for all the friendship and support we have received.  I am grateful for this time of year that we have to reflect on the years happenings and especially on the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ whom I love dearly..  From our family to yours, we wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.

The Spotten family   

Celebrating the Little Steps

Today I am celebrating a little mile stone.  Little BJ wrote a small paragraph completely on his own and put capital letters at the beginning of his sentences and periods at the end where they are supposed to go.  I was so excited.  When I first started working with him, he could not write a complete sentence on his own correctly.  His writing was not even as good as my then kindergartner AJ.  (He is in 5th grade.)  After looking through his IEP, I realized that they were not even addressing this issue in resource at all. 

    Let me take a step back though and start from the beginning.  At the end of the school year last year, BJ was becoming very agitated and upset a lot.  He was becoming very aware of the fact that he just did not understand the core classes like he was supposed to.  When the core testing came around, he became very stressed and upset.  I told him to just do his best.  When he got home that night, he was in tears.  He told me he didn’t do his best.  When I tried to convince him that I was sure he had done his best he said, “I didn’t do my best because I didn’t know the answers.”  My heart was breaking for him.  He then asked me if he could be home-schooled.

    For a good month or so before that, I had been pushing aside the feeling that something needed to change for BJ.  I felt that I needed to home-schooled him; but I didn’t want to pay much attention to that thought because it would be my first year that all my children would be in school and I could think of all these things I could do with that “free time.”  But when he came home that day, I knew something needed to change.  I tried to convince his teachers and the principle that BJ would do better if he were held back for at least a year.  They explained that their hands were tied on this and because of the “no child left behind act” they no longer could hold students back a grade.  Also they were losing their “Title One” status which meant that the little help he was getting was going to be cut back even further because of funding issues.  Then I got the test scores back and I checked into all his progress papers.  For the first time ever, he had made little to no progress that whole school year.  I finally realized if I wanted my son to progress, I needed to do it myself.  I had a great friend who told me about a school online.  After looking into it, and especially praying about it, I knew this was where he needed to be.  (Every other time I have prayed about home-schooling, it has been a no answer, so this was a bit of a surprise.)  There were insurmountable obstacles that stood in the way though and I didn’t know how to take care of them.  But after more prayer, they went away and I knew that the Lord’s hand was in this.

    I started his “home-schooling” right as the school year ended.  As I started working with him, I realized just how far behind he was.  His reading level was at about the end of 1st grade.  His math was somewhere between second and third grade.  His writing . . . well like I said, my then kindergartner could write more correctly than he could.  When I look at where he “should” be and where he is right now, it is so completely overwhelming.  But then, when small miracles take place, and I see progress like I saw today, it is so worth it.
     In this online school, he has resource teachers and a regular teacher and it is done online.  He is making leaps and bounds right now and I am very excited about his progress.  It is amazing how fast he can learn when he is working one on one and on a level he can actually understand.  He is now reading at a 3rd grade level, he is 3/4's the way through the 3rd grade math, and his writing . . . well today was a milestone.  The only thing is, it takes a massive amount of time.  Along with his schooling which I spend about 5 hours a day on, I still play the piano for the intermediate school choir every day, teach two music classes at the elementary school, teach 5 piano lessons (not including my own children), help my husband in cub scouts, spend over 2 hours on homework with the other kids every night, visiting teaching and all those other church callings, and still have to keep up with all the regular duties. 
    I have had little to no time to spend on my website or on writing new music.  Two weeks ago I was pretty stressed out with everything and trying to get all that I had scheduled done.  I had another music competition coming up but I just did not have time to spend perfecting my music before I had to submit it.  I was almost at meltdown point . . . well actually I pretty much was there. When I got up the next day, I felt I could not face another day.  There was a whole slue of things going "wrong" that I had to somehow "fix".  (Including the fact that my son decided to take his math test home because he didn’t finish it in class.  I thought it was homework so I had Dad sit down with him to finish it, oops.) That's when I saw God's hand.  Somehow, when I went to solve the problems, they were already solved.  I went through the day in awe as each problem that arose that day was quickly solved through no doing of my own.  I knew God was watching over me.  Then the next day, the deadline day for the music competition, I got up early and found out one of my songs I wanted to submit was further done than I thought.  An hour and a half later, I had it submitted.  That left me enough time to see if I could finish the other one that I thought could never get done before that deadline.  Can I just say, miracles still happen.  I played it, recorded it, sang to it, and edited it all in several hours.  I still don't know how.  But I stand back in awe and can see and feel God's hand guiding me, protecting me, and helping me every step of the way.  That brings me peace, amazing peace, and I am endlessly grateful to know that He is by my side taking care of things when I just can't go on any more. It also reaffirms that I can do hard things as long as He is by my side.

A Budding Engineer

My sons MJ and RD decided to go and build themselves a ladder so they could climb trees where the branches were too high to reach.  The park across the street from us has a lot of trees to climb and has become there favorite spot as of lately.  It also includes a “junk” wood pile.  They found some 2 by 4's of different sizes, got some screws from MJ’s tool collection, and pieced everything together, completely on their own, to form an amazing ladder.  (Dad was gone and I was busy canning my largest amount of fruit I have ever done in one day . . . 48 bottles, whew.)  They spent most of the day over there working, and when they came back to show me what they had made, I was astounded.  They love it so much.  They do not leave it at the park in fear someone will take it or break it.  Instead, they carry it to and from the park whenever they go.  MJ HAND screwed it all together.  Wow.  And because they didn’t have long enough 2 by 4's, they had to piece the sides together as you can see in these pictures.  I am still amazed at their work.  Their dad was so impressed when he got home, that he decided to make a ladder with all the cub scouts a few days later.  (Except he wasn’t about to hand screw everything.)  What fun!!!

 

Immunizations Dilemma

My brother, Jacob Nickle is coming home from his mission in Africa TODAY!!!  Wish I could be there when he gets off the plane.  I can't wait to start heading down there as soon as possible.  We plan on leaving tomorrow morning and getting there Saturday, that is, if I can just get my son better from his immunizations. 

I know he reacts to immunizations EVERY TIME.  His 7th grade DTAP shot needed done, and this summer we have been pretty sick, so I waited to give it to him until everyone seemed healthy.  I did all I could to boost his immune system for several weeks before the shot.  I even planned to make sure he had a week to recover.  And I was hoping that because it had been many years since he's had any shots, and this was only ONE shot, just maybe he wouldn't get too sick.  The doctor said he might get a slight fever for a day or two.  Is 103 and above a slight fever?  This is day 7 now and he is still holding on to a fever.  Yesterday he seemed to be pulling out of it, but that was only a teaser.  Last night his fever shot back up again.  He has been up half the night.  I am frustrated, beyond frustrated.  My son is mad at the doctors, mad at the school for requiring it, mad at those “stupid” people who made the shot, and mad at anyone who has even the slightest connection to this shot whatsoever. 

The other night though, I knelt down with him to say his nightly prayer.   He was so weak that he couldn't get up to kneel himself, so he asked me to say a prayer for him.  I proceeded to do so.  Right at the beginning, I felt that I was supposed to thank Heavenly Father for these shots that help to protect us from much worse things.  I didn’t want to.  I don’t like immunizations.  I have experienced so many adverse reactions either through me or my children, I can’t hardly stand the thought of them.  When my son was only 18 months old, he had an extremely sever reaction to his shots.  After a week of high fevers, he got a bloody nose.  I did all I could to get it to stop.  After an hour, I got really worried.  After and hour and a half, I was freaking out.  After two hours, I was packing him up to take him to the emergency room that I knew we would not be able to afford.  Then my husband unexpectedly came home, took him inside, gave him a priesthood blessing, put him in the bath, and finally got his nose to stop bleeding.  It took several months for him to return to “normal”. 

I have read all the articles about how bad these shots are for you.  I have also read all the articles saying how good and “safe” they are for you.  There are shots I will not give my children because of very personal experienced known reactions to not just one child, but three, or the very thing that they don’t need that shot.  That sickness is not that bad.  I do my homework.  I study it out.  There are shots I will (reluctantly) give my kids.  Especially the sicknesses that are deadly.  (But I still cringe every time they get the shots.)  I weigh out the pro’s and the con’s to each shot.  I still can’t help though to feel I am poisoning my children.  So no, there was not much gratitude in my heart for this shot or any other at the time of this prompting.  So I continued on with my prayer.  Again, I felt the prompting to thank Heavenly Father for the shots that protect us from much worse illnesses.  I thought, maybe my son needed to hear this so that he could be comforted in this time and feel a little better about things.  I finally followed the prompting.  But the outcome was different than I had expected.  It didn’t comfort my son, at least not to my knowledge.  He hasn’t gotten better any faster.  His feelings towards immunizations have not changed.  The change happened in me.  I suddenly felt an inkling, just an inkling, of gratitude start to grow in my heart.  I don’t understand it.  And in many ways it has made me more confused then ever.  But maybe, just maybe, they are doing good for my children.  I still firmly believe in becoming educated, and do what is best for you and your children, not for the doctor, and I do not believe they should make an immunization for every sickness they can under the sun.  Ok, so I am still trying to sort out this feeling inside of me, trying to find my ground to stand on in this.  But I cannot deny the feeling I felt, nor the change of heart that is taking place in me.  I do hope that I can go to see my family.  I do hope with ALL MY HEART, that my son will make a full recovery and not have any lasting effects from this, (and I know that can happen through a much higher power.)  And in a very unexpected way, I am so grateful for that prompting that is changing me.  In many ways it has comforted my heart.  There have been many instances where I have felt that I have given my children these shots, trusting the doctors, and have only damaged my children.  But not any more.  I do not understand yet, nor do I pretend to even know what is going on, but again, I cannot deny what I felt that night, kneeling by my sons bed, and thanking my Heavenly Father for this protection.

A True Friend

Friends.  I have been thinking about them a lot lately as I have seen the effect that a good friend can have on someone.  If you read my last post, you will understand what I mean.  I have also seen this same change in my oldest daughter.  Through elementary school, she struggled trying to keep friends.  She struggled socially.  But when she hit sixth grade and went to the intermediate school, she found a true friend.  They did everything together.  My daughter was so much happier.  And when other kids asked her friend why she hung out with SE, she stood up for her and told them flat out “because I like her.” 

This last school year as SE was heading into middle school, her best friend moved.  And SE was left alone again.  She struggled.  She was bullied a lot.  For the first few months, she couldn’t stand school, she didn’t even like to be home.  She hated life.  When other girls from our ward tried to reach out to her, SE would turn the other way.  She wouldn’t let anyone in.  I thought about home-schooling her.  But when I prayed about it, I got the same answer as I had in the past, no.  (Well it was a lot more in depth than that, but that’s the shortened answer.)  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she really needs that social interaction.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer.  I posted this on facebook during that time.

“It is so hard to watch one of your children struggle and hurt. It is so hard not to just pull her out of the situation and take her into my arms to protect her. I wish I could but it is not the answer I got. It is times like these that I am so incredibly grateful for the gospel and that there is a Father in Heaven who truly cares, and who knows what he is doing. I know I can trust him to hold my daughter when I can't.”
                   
Through a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, and a lot of love, she is really pulling through now.  She still is a little hermit in her room and only comes out when she has to, but she finally started letting some friends in her life again (and she is reading her scriptures everyday.  I think that is huge.)  She doesn't really have a "best" friend right now, but at least she has friends.  She is so much happier now.

The main reason though for writing this post is not about my daughter, but about my past; to say thank you to someone who gave me so much . . . more than I ever knew at the time.  And now watching my kids, and then looking back at my own life, I am just now realizing how much she gave me.  I had an amazing friend since I was very young.  She was always there for me. We were always friends.  I never had to go without a friend, or experience that extreme loneliness because she was always there.  When I needed someone to talk to, she was there.  We did everything we could together.  We were best of friends and I loved her.  So thank you Summer.  Thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for keeping me out of trouble, for lifting my spirit when I was down, for liking the things I liked just because I liked them, for putting up with me, for helping me through some hard times, and for just being my friend so that I never did have to go without.  I never knew just how much that would mean, until now.  (2 Nephi chapter 2: If you do not know what misery feels like, how do you truly know the depth of your happiness?)  I wish distance didn’t separate us so much, but you will always hold a special place in my heart.  And I will forever be grateful for all you have done for me.

I am also grateful for the incredible friends I have now.  For the ones that get up early and walk with me, for the ones that I get to eat out with every month, for the ones I go visiting teaching to and the ones who come to me, for the ones that will always stop and talk to me in the halls, and especially for my best friend, my husband whom I love dearly.  Thank you to all the amazing friends out there, who look past the weaknesses into the heart.  A true friend can help to pull us through anything. 

A Miracle

The other night, I was kneeling by my bed in prayer.  My heart was so full of gratitude.  My oldest son has aspergers autism and has struggled socially throughout his whole life.  In fifth grade, his only friend outside our family was a kindergartner.  That was his maturity level I guess.  Mentally he is very smart, but socially he struggles.  As I was pondering the past few months and the miracle that has taken place in him, I was in absolute awe at how things have played out, and I had a glimpse at all the steps it has taken to get him where he is now.

In fifth grade, the school boundaries were changed and my children were placed in a new elementary school.  He STRUGGLED.  Change is not an easy thing for him.  His teacher did all she could to help him, but the class was a hard class, everything was new, and it was too much for him to handle.  But even after school was out, she wanted to help to make sure his next year went more smoothly, especially since he would have an even bigger change as he would going to the intermediate school.  She personally picked out his teachers for the next year, wrote a long letter on how she had learned to work with him, and even made sure that the troubled kids wouldn’t be in his class to set him off.  His new school also did everything they could to help him out.  His new principle let him borrow puzzles during the summer to develop in him a feeling of trust.

This year started and we had our up’s and down’s, but in general there was a steady up movement.  I had gotten a one hour a day job there at the school playing the piano for the choir.  The timing was so perfect that if I just went in 20 minutes early, I could be with him during his lunch break, the time he struggled the most.  I was amazed at his progress in the first 5 months.  But then my job was ending (due to the fact that they only have choir two trimesters and the third one is off) and I wasn’t going to be there for him anymore.  But there is loving Heavenly Father that has all things planned out way better than I could ever dream.  Two weeks before my last day there, a boy sat by him at lunch.  The next day he sat by him again . . . and again the next day.  Soon he asked RD to play with him and his friends during the lunch hour.  That day I had gone in early as usual to practice the piano and he would meet me in the choir room.  He never showed up.  I started getting really nervous.  After 15 minutes I went out to find him.  (As a mom, all these things start running through your head of all these possibilities of what could have happened to him.  He had run and hidden in the school before to get away but they had always called me when they couldn’t find him.)  I checked the lunch room hoping he was just taking a lot longer to finish.  Nothing.  I checked the halls.  Nothing.  Finally, right before I had to sign in to work, I found him, PLAYING . . . with a friend.  What blew me away is that I had never seen him act like that before.  He looked and was acting just like a normal boy his age.  I had to stand back and watch as the tears streamed down my face.  That night I prayed it wouldn’t end.  And it didn’t.

Wherever this friend is, he makes everything better.  RD started hating the bus ride and wanted me to pick him up every day.  But then one of the bus drivers quite and they decided not to get a new one, so they combined two bus routes into one, and guess who was on the other bus route, his friend.  Coincidence, I think not.

RD was changing so fast at this point, I literally had to get to know my son all over again.  He was so much happier at home, at school, everywhere.  He wanted to have a birthday party with friends over.  I didn’t know what to do because crowds usually make him really irritated.  I didn’t know how to plan it or what to expect.  And when I did try to plan something, he would say, “Mom, your ruining it, just let me handle it.”  He invited 3 friends over and 2 were able to come.  He never had a melt down the whole time.  And I got to see my son through different eyes.  These boys were not treating him like he had a disability.  They didn’t treat him like he was different.  They treated him . . . like a friend, like one of them.  And what stunned me is that RD was acting just like them, a normal 11-12 year old boy.  (Thankfully these boys, especially his best friend, are good boys and have clean mouths.  I couldn’t ask for better.)  He was laughing, MAKING JOKES, and all around just having fun.  I had done all that I could do through the years but I couldn’t have given him what this friend did.  And God knew how to make it so much better.  In the last 3 months, RD has grown socially at least 3 years.  He has hated school since before time began, but the other day he blew me out of the water again when he said, “Mom, I kind of don’t want school to end this year.”  WHAT????

Yes, he still has melt downs sometimes.  Yes he still has bad days at school sometimes. Yes when he gets in situations he doesn’t know how to handle he struggles and makes mistakes.  And when he gets around groups of a lot of people, he doesn’t handle the noise very well. But everyday just keeps getting better and better.  And each one of his symptoms gets less and less.  And as I was pondering and praying the other night, and I saw all those intricate details that went in to getting him where he is today,  I was overwhelmed.  I was incredibly grateful.  And then I felt this love.  Intense love.  Not for me.  But the love that our Father in Heaven has for him.  My Father-in-Heaven did all this for my son, because he loved him.  And I couldn’t stop crying.

The Bread of Life

 


For Christmas, a dear friend gave me a bread starter with a DVD to explain how it works.  This starter uses the natural microorganisms in the air to help the bread to rise.  It also helps to break down the flour and gluten into a more digestible format for your body.  (Which is why she gave it to me.  I have been having a lot of problems eating bread lately and she hoped it would help.) 

I made up a batch and everyone seemed to love it.  (I didn’t even get sick from it!!!) But after a few times of making it, my husband commented on how it sat heavy in his stomach.  (I think it’s because it is 100% whole wheat, plus his stomach is so extra sensitive.)  He didn’t think I should keep putting so much work into it.  And yes, it does take time.  I started having my doubts about keeping it up until an analogy came to my mind.  I have been reading this book called “Gospel Symbolism”.  This bread is the same kind of bread they have been making way “back then” as my son calls it.  It is how they used to leaven their bread before all of this commercial yeast came along.  As I was kneading the dough this came to me.

The Lord constantly used symbolic reminders to the Israelites, that if spiritually in tune, would lead them to Him.  He said, “I am the bread of life.” 

To be able to have this bread, you must feed the starter at least everyday.  I liken this to feeding your testimony everyday.  (Your bread starter will not work if you feed it once a week on Sundays.)  To feed it, you mix a half cup of whole wheat flour with a half cup of pure water, (no chlorine).  Then stir it together. 

To keep your starter pure, every time you feed your bread, you must wash out your glass jar to make sure no unwanted stuff grows in your starter.  I liken this as: you are the jar.  You must keep yourself clean and pure to help this testimony grow strong and pure inside of you. 







100% whole wheat flour is used to feed the bread.  And the best form of whole wheat four is freshly ground wheat.  It has more vitamins and nutrients for the microorganisms to grow in.  The healthier and stronger you want your testimony, the more you must seek out the best form of the gospel.  (The scriptures and especially our current prophets words.)

Caring for this starter yields about two loaves of bread every 3-4 days.  If your family needs more then that, you can feed the bread up to every 6 hours.  The more you want your testimony to grow, the more you must feed it and take extra care of it. 

This bread starter can be passed along from generation to generation as long as you care for it properly, just like you can pass along your testimony of the gospel to your kids, and as they grow, they can pass it along to theirs.

Just as a note, the recipe for one loaf of bread is . . .

1 cup of bread starter
1 cup of water
1 tsp of sea salt
3 cups of whole wheat flour.  (If you use a little less, the loaf tends to me a little more fluffy and soft.  But it also makes it hard to form the bread loaf when it keeps sticking to your hands.)

Also, I don’t necessarily like the taste of sour dough, so I add a few extra ingredients to make it taste good.

1/4 cup of Honey
2 TBS of cooking oil.

Through this process, you end up with a very delicious, very filling, and very nutritious loaf of bread.

As these symbolisms came to my mind, I determined to keep making this bread, for myself, for my kids, and for a great reminder to always remember this lesson of “the bread of life.” (And because it’s the only bread I can really eat.)