Let me take a step back though and start from the beginning. At the end of the school year last year, BJ was becoming very agitated and upset a lot. He was becoming very aware of the fact that he just did not understand the core classes like he was supposed to. When the core testing came around, he became very stressed and upset. I told him to just do his best. When he got home that night, he was in tears. He told me he didn’t do his best. When I tried to convince him that I was sure he had done his best he said, “I didn’t do my best because I didn’t know the answers.” My heart was breaking for him. He then asked me if he could be home-schooled.
For a good month or so before that, I had been pushing aside the feeling that something needed to change for BJ. I felt that I needed to home-schooled him; but I didn’t want to pay much attention to that thought because it would be my first year that all my children would be in school and I could think of all these things I could do with that “free time.” But when he came home that day, I knew something needed to change. I tried to convince his teachers and the principle that BJ would do better if he were held back for at least a year. They explained that their hands were tied on this and because of the “no child left behind act” they no longer could hold students back a grade. Also they were losing their “Title One” status which meant that the little help he was getting was going to be cut back even further because of funding issues. Then I got the test scores back and I checked into all his progress papers. For the first time ever, he had made little to no progress that whole school year. I finally realized if I wanted my son to progress, I needed to do it myself. I had a great friend who told me about a school online. After looking into it, and especially praying about it, I knew this was where he needed to be. (Every other time I have prayed about home-schooling, it has been a no answer, so this was a bit of a surprise.) There were insurmountable obstacles that stood in the way though and I didn’t know how to take care of them. But after more prayer, they went away and I knew that the Lord’s hand was in this.
I started his “home-schooling” right as the school year ended. As I started working with him, I realized just how far behind he was. His reading level was at about the end of 1st grade. His math was somewhere between second and third grade. His writing . . . well like I said, my then kindergartner could write more correctly than he could. When I look at where he “should” be and where he is right now, it is so completely overwhelming. But then, when small miracles take place, and I see progress like I saw today, it is so worth it.
In this online school, he has resource teachers and a regular teacher and it is done online. He is making leaps and bounds right now and I am very excited about his progress. It is amazing how fast he can learn when he is working one on one and on a level he can actually understand. He is now reading at a 3rd grade level, he is 3/4's the way through the 3rd grade math, and his writing . . . well today was a milestone. The only thing is, it takes a massive amount of time. Along with his schooling which I spend about 5 hours a day on, I still play the piano for the intermediate school choir every day, teach two music classes at the elementary school, teach 5 piano lessons (not including my own children), help my husband in cub scouts, spend over 2 hours on homework with the other kids every night, visiting teaching and all those other church callings, and still have to keep up with all the regular duties.
I have had little to no time to spend on my website or on writing new music. Two weeks ago I was pretty stressed out with everything and trying to get all that I had scheduled done. I had another music competition coming up but I just did not have time to spend perfecting my music before I had to submit it. I was almost at meltdown point . . . well actually I pretty much was there. When I got up the next day, I felt I could not face another day. There was a whole slue of things going "wrong" that I had to somehow "fix". (Including the fact that my son decided to take his math test home because he didn’t finish it in class. I thought it was homework so I had Dad sit down with him to finish it, oops.) That's when I saw God's hand. Somehow, when I went to solve the problems, they were already solved. I went through the day in awe as each problem that arose that day was quickly solved through no doing of my own. I knew God was watching over me. Then the next day, the deadline day for the music competition, I got up early and found out one of my songs I wanted to submit was further done than I thought. An hour and a half later, I had it submitted. That left me enough time to see if I could finish the other one that I thought could never get done before that deadline. Can I just say, miracles still happen. I played it, recorded it, sang to it, and edited it all in several hours. I still don't know how. But I stand back in awe and can see and feel God's hand guiding me, protecting me, and helping me every step of the way. That brings me peace, amazing peace, and I am endlessly grateful to know that He is by my side taking care of things when I just can't go on any more. It also reaffirms that I can do hard things as long as He is by my side.
