A True Friend

Friends.  I have been thinking about them a lot lately as I have seen the effect that a good friend can have on someone.  If you read my last post, you will understand what I mean.  I have also seen this same change in my oldest daughter.  Through elementary school, she struggled trying to keep friends.  She struggled socially.  But when she hit sixth grade and went to the intermediate school, she found a true friend.  They did everything together.  My daughter was so much happier.  And when other kids asked her friend why she hung out with SE, she stood up for her and told them flat out “because I like her.” 

This last school year as SE was heading into middle school, her best friend moved.  And SE was left alone again.  She struggled.  She was bullied a lot.  For the first few months, she couldn’t stand school, she didn’t even like to be home.  She hated life.  When other girls from our ward tried to reach out to her, SE would turn the other way.  She wouldn’t let anyone in.  I thought about home-schooling her.  But when I prayed about it, I got the same answer as I had in the past, no.  (Well it was a lot more in depth than that, but that’s the shortened answer.)  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she really needs that social interaction.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer.  I posted this on facebook during that time.

“It is so hard to watch one of your children struggle and hurt. It is so hard not to just pull her out of the situation and take her into my arms to protect her. I wish I could but it is not the answer I got. It is times like these that I am so incredibly grateful for the gospel and that there is a Father in Heaven who truly cares, and who knows what he is doing. I know I can trust him to hold my daughter when I can't.”
                   
Through a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, and a lot of love, she is really pulling through now.  She still is a little hermit in her room and only comes out when she has to, but she finally started letting some friends in her life again (and she is reading her scriptures everyday.  I think that is huge.)  She doesn't really have a "best" friend right now, but at least she has friends.  She is so much happier now.

The main reason though for writing this post is not about my daughter, but about my past; to say thank you to someone who gave me so much . . . more than I ever knew at the time.  And now watching my kids, and then looking back at my own life, I am just now realizing how much she gave me.  I had an amazing friend since I was very young.  She was always there for me. We were always friends.  I never had to go without a friend, or experience that extreme loneliness because she was always there.  When I needed someone to talk to, she was there.  We did everything we could together.  We were best of friends and I loved her.  So thank you Summer.  Thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for keeping me out of trouble, for lifting my spirit when I was down, for liking the things I liked just because I liked them, for putting up with me, for helping me through some hard times, and for just being my friend so that I never did have to go without.  I never knew just how much that would mean, until now.  (2 Nephi chapter 2: If you do not know what misery feels like, how do you truly know the depth of your happiness?)  I wish distance didn’t separate us so much, but you will always hold a special place in my heart.  And I will forever be grateful for all you have done for me.

I am also grateful for the incredible friends I have now.  For the ones that get up early and walk with me, for the ones that I get to eat out with every month, for the ones I go visiting teaching to and the ones who come to me, for the ones that will always stop and talk to me in the halls, and especially for my best friend, my husband whom I love dearly.  Thank you to all the amazing friends out there, who look past the weaknesses into the heart.  A true friend can help to pull us through anything. 

A Miracle

The other night, I was kneeling by my bed in prayer.  My heart was so full of gratitude.  My oldest son has aspergers autism and has struggled socially throughout his whole life.  In fifth grade, his only friend outside our family was a kindergartner.  That was his maturity level I guess.  Mentally he is very smart, but socially he struggles.  As I was pondering the past few months and the miracle that has taken place in him, I was in absolute awe at how things have played out, and I had a glimpse at all the steps it has taken to get him where he is now.

In fifth grade, the school boundaries were changed and my children were placed in a new elementary school.  He STRUGGLED.  Change is not an easy thing for him.  His teacher did all she could to help him, but the class was a hard class, everything was new, and it was too much for him to handle.  But even after school was out, she wanted to help to make sure his next year went more smoothly, especially since he would have an even bigger change as he would going to the intermediate school.  She personally picked out his teachers for the next year, wrote a long letter on how she had learned to work with him, and even made sure that the troubled kids wouldn’t be in his class to set him off.  His new school also did everything they could to help him out.  His new principle let him borrow puzzles during the summer to develop in him a feeling of trust.

This year started and we had our up’s and down’s, but in general there was a steady up movement.  I had gotten a one hour a day job there at the school playing the piano for the choir.  The timing was so perfect that if I just went in 20 minutes early, I could be with him during his lunch break, the time he struggled the most.  I was amazed at his progress in the first 5 months.  But then my job was ending (due to the fact that they only have choir two trimesters and the third one is off) and I wasn’t going to be there for him anymore.  But there is loving Heavenly Father that has all things planned out way better than I could ever dream.  Two weeks before my last day there, a boy sat by him at lunch.  The next day he sat by him again . . . and again the next day.  Soon he asked RD to play with him and his friends during the lunch hour.  That day I had gone in early as usual to practice the piano and he would meet me in the choir room.  He never showed up.  I started getting really nervous.  After 15 minutes I went out to find him.  (As a mom, all these things start running through your head of all these possibilities of what could have happened to him.  He had run and hidden in the school before to get away but they had always called me when they couldn’t find him.)  I checked the lunch room hoping he was just taking a lot longer to finish.  Nothing.  I checked the halls.  Nothing.  Finally, right before I had to sign in to work, I found him, PLAYING . . . with a friend.  What blew me away is that I had never seen him act like that before.  He looked and was acting just like a normal boy his age.  I had to stand back and watch as the tears streamed down my face.  That night I prayed it wouldn’t end.  And it didn’t.

Wherever this friend is, he makes everything better.  RD started hating the bus ride and wanted me to pick him up every day.  But then one of the bus drivers quite and they decided not to get a new one, so they combined two bus routes into one, and guess who was on the other bus route, his friend.  Coincidence, I think not.

RD was changing so fast at this point, I literally had to get to know my son all over again.  He was so much happier at home, at school, everywhere.  He wanted to have a birthday party with friends over.  I didn’t know what to do because crowds usually make him really irritated.  I didn’t know how to plan it or what to expect.  And when I did try to plan something, he would say, “Mom, your ruining it, just let me handle it.”  He invited 3 friends over and 2 were able to come.  He never had a melt down the whole time.  And I got to see my son through different eyes.  These boys were not treating him like he had a disability.  They didn’t treat him like he was different.  They treated him . . . like a friend, like one of them.  And what stunned me is that RD was acting just like them, a normal 11-12 year old boy.  (Thankfully these boys, especially his best friend, are good boys and have clean mouths.  I couldn’t ask for better.)  He was laughing, MAKING JOKES, and all around just having fun.  I had done all that I could do through the years but I couldn’t have given him what this friend did.  And God knew how to make it so much better.  In the last 3 months, RD has grown socially at least 3 years.  He has hated school since before time began, but the other day he blew me out of the water again when he said, “Mom, I kind of don’t want school to end this year.”  WHAT????

Yes, he still has melt downs sometimes.  Yes he still has bad days at school sometimes. Yes when he gets in situations he doesn’t know how to handle he struggles and makes mistakes.  And when he gets around groups of a lot of people, he doesn’t handle the noise very well. But everyday just keeps getting better and better.  And each one of his symptoms gets less and less.  And as I was pondering and praying the other night, and I saw all those intricate details that went in to getting him where he is today,  I was overwhelmed.  I was incredibly grateful.  And then I felt this love.  Intense love.  Not for me.  But the love that our Father in Heaven has for him.  My Father-in-Heaven did all this for my son, because he loved him.  And I couldn’t stop crying.