Immunizations Dilemma

My brother, Jacob Nickle is coming home from his mission in Africa TODAY!!!  Wish I could be there when he gets off the plane.  I can't wait to start heading down there as soon as possible.  We plan on leaving tomorrow morning and getting there Saturday, that is, if I can just get my son better from his immunizations. 

I know he reacts to immunizations EVERY TIME.  His 7th grade DTAP shot needed done, and this summer we have been pretty sick, so I waited to give it to him until everyone seemed healthy.  I did all I could to boost his immune system for several weeks before the shot.  I even planned to make sure he had a week to recover.  And I was hoping that because it had been many years since he's had any shots, and this was only ONE shot, just maybe he wouldn't get too sick.  The doctor said he might get a slight fever for a day or two.  Is 103 and above a slight fever?  This is day 7 now and he is still holding on to a fever.  Yesterday he seemed to be pulling out of it, but that was only a teaser.  Last night his fever shot back up again.  He has been up half the night.  I am frustrated, beyond frustrated.  My son is mad at the doctors, mad at the school for requiring it, mad at those “stupid” people who made the shot, and mad at anyone who has even the slightest connection to this shot whatsoever. 

The other night though, I knelt down with him to say his nightly prayer.   He was so weak that he couldn't get up to kneel himself, so he asked me to say a prayer for him.  I proceeded to do so.  Right at the beginning, I felt that I was supposed to thank Heavenly Father for these shots that help to protect us from much worse things.  I didn’t want to.  I don’t like immunizations.  I have experienced so many adverse reactions either through me or my children, I can’t hardly stand the thought of them.  When my son was only 18 months old, he had an extremely sever reaction to his shots.  After a week of high fevers, he got a bloody nose.  I did all I could to get it to stop.  After an hour, I got really worried.  After and hour and a half, I was freaking out.  After two hours, I was packing him up to take him to the emergency room that I knew we would not be able to afford.  Then my husband unexpectedly came home, took him inside, gave him a priesthood blessing, put him in the bath, and finally got his nose to stop bleeding.  It took several months for him to return to “normal”. 

I have read all the articles about how bad these shots are for you.  I have also read all the articles saying how good and “safe” they are for you.  There are shots I will not give my children because of very personal experienced known reactions to not just one child, but three, or the very thing that they don’t need that shot.  That sickness is not that bad.  I do my homework.  I study it out.  There are shots I will (reluctantly) give my kids.  Especially the sicknesses that are deadly.  (But I still cringe every time they get the shots.)  I weigh out the pro’s and the con’s to each shot.  I still can’t help though to feel I am poisoning my children.  So no, there was not much gratitude in my heart for this shot or any other at the time of this prompting.  So I continued on with my prayer.  Again, I felt the prompting to thank Heavenly Father for the shots that protect us from much worse illnesses.  I thought, maybe my son needed to hear this so that he could be comforted in this time and feel a little better about things.  I finally followed the prompting.  But the outcome was different than I had expected.  It didn’t comfort my son, at least not to my knowledge.  He hasn’t gotten better any faster.  His feelings towards immunizations have not changed.  The change happened in me.  I suddenly felt an inkling, just an inkling, of gratitude start to grow in my heart.  I don’t understand it.  And in many ways it has made me more confused then ever.  But maybe, just maybe, they are doing good for my children.  I still firmly believe in becoming educated, and do what is best for you and your children, not for the doctor, and I do not believe they should make an immunization for every sickness they can under the sun.  Ok, so I am still trying to sort out this feeling inside of me, trying to find my ground to stand on in this.  But I cannot deny the feeling I felt, nor the change of heart that is taking place in me.  I do hope that I can go to see my family.  I do hope with ALL MY HEART, that my son will make a full recovery and not have any lasting effects from this, (and I know that can happen through a much higher power.)  And in a very unexpected way, I am so grateful for that prompting that is changing me.  In many ways it has comforted my heart.  There have been many instances where I have felt that I have given my children these shots, trusting the doctors, and have only damaged my children.  But not any more.  I do not understand yet, nor do I pretend to even know what is going on, but again, I cannot deny what I felt that night, kneeling by my sons bed, and thanking my Heavenly Father for this protection.

A True Friend

Friends.  I have been thinking about them a lot lately as I have seen the effect that a good friend can have on someone.  If you read my last post, you will understand what I mean.  I have also seen this same change in my oldest daughter.  Through elementary school, she struggled trying to keep friends.  She struggled socially.  But when she hit sixth grade and went to the intermediate school, she found a true friend.  They did everything together.  My daughter was so much happier.  And when other kids asked her friend why she hung out with SE, she stood up for her and told them flat out “because I like her.” 

This last school year as SE was heading into middle school, her best friend moved.  And SE was left alone again.  She struggled.  She was bullied a lot.  For the first few months, she couldn’t stand school, she didn’t even like to be home.  She hated life.  When other girls from our ward tried to reach out to her, SE would turn the other way.  She wouldn’t let anyone in.  I thought about home-schooling her.  But when I prayed about it, I got the same answer as I had in the past, no.  (Well it was a lot more in depth than that, but that’s the shortened answer.)  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she really needs that social interaction.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer.  I posted this on facebook during that time.

“It is so hard to watch one of your children struggle and hurt. It is so hard not to just pull her out of the situation and take her into my arms to protect her. I wish I could but it is not the answer I got. It is times like these that I am so incredibly grateful for the gospel and that there is a Father in Heaven who truly cares, and who knows what he is doing. I know I can trust him to hold my daughter when I can't.”
                   
Through a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, and a lot of love, she is really pulling through now.  She still is a little hermit in her room and only comes out when she has to, but she finally started letting some friends in her life again (and she is reading her scriptures everyday.  I think that is huge.)  She doesn't really have a "best" friend right now, but at least she has friends.  She is so much happier now.

The main reason though for writing this post is not about my daughter, but about my past; to say thank you to someone who gave me so much . . . more than I ever knew at the time.  And now watching my kids, and then looking back at my own life, I am just now realizing how much she gave me.  I had an amazing friend since I was very young.  She was always there for me. We were always friends.  I never had to go without a friend, or experience that extreme loneliness because she was always there.  When I needed someone to talk to, she was there.  We did everything we could together.  We were best of friends and I loved her.  So thank you Summer.  Thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for keeping me out of trouble, for lifting my spirit when I was down, for liking the things I liked just because I liked them, for putting up with me, for helping me through some hard times, and for just being my friend so that I never did have to go without.  I never knew just how much that would mean, until now.  (2 Nephi chapter 2: If you do not know what misery feels like, how do you truly know the depth of your happiness?)  I wish distance didn’t separate us so much, but you will always hold a special place in my heart.  And I will forever be grateful for all you have done for me.

I am also grateful for the incredible friends I have now.  For the ones that get up early and walk with me, for the ones that I get to eat out with every month, for the ones I go visiting teaching to and the ones who come to me, for the ones that will always stop and talk to me in the halls, and especially for my best friend, my husband whom I love dearly.  Thank you to all the amazing friends out there, who look past the weaknesses into the heart.  A true friend can help to pull us through anything. 

A Miracle

The other night, I was kneeling by my bed in prayer.  My heart was so full of gratitude.  My oldest son has aspergers autism and has struggled socially throughout his whole life.  In fifth grade, his only friend outside our family was a kindergartner.  That was his maturity level I guess.  Mentally he is very smart, but socially he struggles.  As I was pondering the past few months and the miracle that has taken place in him, I was in absolute awe at how things have played out, and I had a glimpse at all the steps it has taken to get him where he is now.

In fifth grade, the school boundaries were changed and my children were placed in a new elementary school.  He STRUGGLED.  Change is not an easy thing for him.  His teacher did all she could to help him, but the class was a hard class, everything was new, and it was too much for him to handle.  But even after school was out, she wanted to help to make sure his next year went more smoothly, especially since he would have an even bigger change as he would going to the intermediate school.  She personally picked out his teachers for the next year, wrote a long letter on how she had learned to work with him, and even made sure that the troubled kids wouldn’t be in his class to set him off.  His new school also did everything they could to help him out.  His new principle let him borrow puzzles during the summer to develop in him a feeling of trust.

This year started and we had our up’s and down’s, but in general there was a steady up movement.  I had gotten a one hour a day job there at the school playing the piano for the choir.  The timing was so perfect that if I just went in 20 minutes early, I could be with him during his lunch break, the time he struggled the most.  I was amazed at his progress in the first 5 months.  But then my job was ending (due to the fact that they only have choir two trimesters and the third one is off) and I wasn’t going to be there for him anymore.  But there is loving Heavenly Father that has all things planned out way better than I could ever dream.  Two weeks before my last day there, a boy sat by him at lunch.  The next day he sat by him again . . . and again the next day.  Soon he asked RD to play with him and his friends during the lunch hour.  That day I had gone in early as usual to practice the piano and he would meet me in the choir room.  He never showed up.  I started getting really nervous.  After 15 minutes I went out to find him.  (As a mom, all these things start running through your head of all these possibilities of what could have happened to him.  He had run and hidden in the school before to get away but they had always called me when they couldn’t find him.)  I checked the lunch room hoping he was just taking a lot longer to finish.  Nothing.  I checked the halls.  Nothing.  Finally, right before I had to sign in to work, I found him, PLAYING . . . with a friend.  What blew me away is that I had never seen him act like that before.  He looked and was acting just like a normal boy his age.  I had to stand back and watch as the tears streamed down my face.  That night I prayed it wouldn’t end.  And it didn’t.

Wherever this friend is, he makes everything better.  RD started hating the bus ride and wanted me to pick him up every day.  But then one of the bus drivers quite and they decided not to get a new one, so they combined two bus routes into one, and guess who was on the other bus route, his friend.  Coincidence, I think not.

RD was changing so fast at this point, I literally had to get to know my son all over again.  He was so much happier at home, at school, everywhere.  He wanted to have a birthday party with friends over.  I didn’t know what to do because crowds usually make him really irritated.  I didn’t know how to plan it or what to expect.  And when I did try to plan something, he would say, “Mom, your ruining it, just let me handle it.”  He invited 3 friends over and 2 were able to come.  He never had a melt down the whole time.  And I got to see my son through different eyes.  These boys were not treating him like he had a disability.  They didn’t treat him like he was different.  They treated him . . . like a friend, like one of them.  And what stunned me is that RD was acting just like them, a normal 11-12 year old boy.  (Thankfully these boys, especially his best friend, are good boys and have clean mouths.  I couldn’t ask for better.)  He was laughing, MAKING JOKES, and all around just having fun.  I had done all that I could do through the years but I couldn’t have given him what this friend did.  And God knew how to make it so much better.  In the last 3 months, RD has grown socially at least 3 years.  He has hated school since before time began, but the other day he blew me out of the water again when he said, “Mom, I kind of don’t want school to end this year.”  WHAT????

Yes, he still has melt downs sometimes.  Yes he still has bad days at school sometimes. Yes when he gets in situations he doesn’t know how to handle he struggles and makes mistakes.  And when he gets around groups of a lot of people, he doesn’t handle the noise very well. But everyday just keeps getting better and better.  And each one of his symptoms gets less and less.  And as I was pondering and praying the other night, and I saw all those intricate details that went in to getting him where he is today,  I was overwhelmed.  I was incredibly grateful.  And then I felt this love.  Intense love.  Not for me.  But the love that our Father in Heaven has for him.  My Father-in-Heaven did all this for my son, because he loved him.  And I couldn’t stop crying.

The Bread of Life

 


For Christmas, a dear friend gave me a bread starter with a DVD to explain how it works.  This starter uses the natural microorganisms in the air to help the bread to rise.  It also helps to break down the flour and gluten into a more digestible format for your body.  (Which is why she gave it to me.  I have been having a lot of problems eating bread lately and she hoped it would help.) 

I made up a batch and everyone seemed to love it.  (I didn’t even get sick from it!!!) But after a few times of making it, my husband commented on how it sat heavy in his stomach.  (I think it’s because it is 100% whole wheat, plus his stomach is so extra sensitive.)  He didn’t think I should keep putting so much work into it.  And yes, it does take time.  I started having my doubts about keeping it up until an analogy came to my mind.  I have been reading this book called “Gospel Symbolism”.  This bread is the same kind of bread they have been making way “back then” as my son calls it.  It is how they used to leaven their bread before all of this commercial yeast came along.  As I was kneading the dough this came to me.

The Lord constantly used symbolic reminders to the Israelites, that if spiritually in tune, would lead them to Him.  He said, “I am the bread of life.” 

To be able to have this bread, you must feed the starter at least everyday.  I liken this to feeding your testimony everyday.  (Your bread starter will not work if you feed it once a week on Sundays.)  To feed it, you mix a half cup of whole wheat flour with a half cup of pure water, (no chlorine).  Then stir it together. 

To keep your starter pure, every time you feed your bread, you must wash out your glass jar to make sure no unwanted stuff grows in your starter.  I liken this as: you are the jar.  You must keep yourself clean and pure to help this testimony grow strong and pure inside of you. 







100% whole wheat flour is used to feed the bread.  And the best form of whole wheat four is freshly ground wheat.  It has more vitamins and nutrients for the microorganisms to grow in.  The healthier and stronger you want your testimony, the more you must seek out the best form of the gospel.  (The scriptures and especially our current prophets words.)

Caring for this starter yields about two loaves of bread every 3-4 days.  If your family needs more then that, you can feed the bread up to every 6 hours.  The more you want your testimony to grow, the more you must feed it and take extra care of it. 

This bread starter can be passed along from generation to generation as long as you care for it properly, just like you can pass along your testimony of the gospel to your kids, and as they grow, they can pass it along to theirs.

Just as a note, the recipe for one loaf of bread is . . .

1 cup of bread starter
1 cup of water
1 tsp of sea salt
3 cups of whole wheat flour.  (If you use a little less, the loaf tends to me a little more fluffy and soft.  But it also makes it hard to form the bread loaf when it keeps sticking to your hands.)

Also, I don’t necessarily like the taste of sour dough, so I add a few extra ingredients to make it taste good.

1/4 cup of Honey
2 TBS of cooking oil.

Through this process, you end up with a very delicious, very filling, and very nutritious loaf of bread.

As these symbolisms came to my mind, I determined to keep making this bread, for myself, for my kids, and for a great reminder to always remember this lesson of “the bread of life.” (And because it’s the only bread I can really eat.)

A mixed up, crazy, belated Christmas letter

Warning to procrastinators: when you plan on doing something one day before it needs to be done, chances are, you will get sick that day and it just won’t happen!!!!
   
 I figured I would keep with the tradition of sending out my Christmas letter on Christmas Eve like I have been doing for the last few years. (That and this year has been extremely busy, I figured it would be the only time I would have to actually sit down and write it.)  Two weeks before Christmas, my kids started coming down sick, and we all couldn’t just get it at the same time, it has to travel SLOWLY!  I have it now.  Got it right before Christmas and I am still dealing with it.  Today though, I can actually sit up long enough and have a clear enough head to right something coherent, or at least I think it is.  I won’t really know until after I am completely better.  So just bear with me.
    . . . . . Ok, so maybe my head is not thinking.  My kids are all a year older.  Same place, same station, nothing much new.  Oh I got a job. . . . Kind of.  It’s just an hour a day, but I love it.  I play the piano for the intermediate school choir.  It’s been fun.
    Ok really my head is not thinking, so if you want to know what has been happening all year, read my blog, (http://www.joy-in-learning.blogspot.com/) which I haven’t updated for a while because I have no time, or find me on facebook.  There, now I don’t have to think.
    But I do want to wish you all a BELATED Merry Christmas and hope your new Year is filled with great blessings.  Love you all,

Elizabeth Spotten
            
P.S.  I do want to leave you with my testimony.  Every year it grows a little more as I see the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father.  I feel so extremely blessed.  I love my family, the area we live in, all my amazing friends and especially His gospel that has made all this possible.  Merry Christmas everyone. 
 

An Overdue Update

Ok, I have 20 minutes to get this done.  Ya, I realize it's been a long, long, long time since I made a post.  During the summer,  I was babysitting several kids along with my own making it quite crazy at times.  I thought that once school was back in and I had ALL of my children in school, (yes I said all for the first time ever, my baby is now in school), life would slow down a bit; I would be able to spend more time on my music, cleaning . . . and blogging.  That was a happy thought while it lasted.  Things have only gotten more crazy.  Because my youngest is in school, I told the school I could help out in each of the classrooms. Whoops.  MJ's teacher called and asked me to be the music teacher for his class.  (Now that one, I do love.  I guess the school lost their funding for music, so they cut that part out.  Not good - in my opinion.)  All the other teachers also took advantage and I am now volunteering at the school for almost 4 hours a week.  I love being there though, and I love being with my kids. 

Then Ralph's school found out I could play the piano, so they asked me to be the accompanist for the choir there.  That one though, they actually PAY me.  It's only an hour a day, and it cost's 4 dollars in gas just to get there every day, but I totally love it.  I love the choir director.  I feel like I am going to school and learning so much, but I am actually getting paid for it this time.

So between all the volunteering, parent teacher conferences, school meeting, pta, hours of homework every night, and the new job, the only semi calm days I have left are Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  And it's canning season.  So those days have been filled with bottling up foods.  (I have had a huge desire to get more foods on our shelves.)  I have been so grateful for neighbors who have given me so much of their produce when my garden once again fell short of what I needed. It just takes TIME!  I even learned how to use my new pressure cooker my mother gave me (thanks mom) and I bottled 70 jars of BEANS, (those things take a lot of time but boy do they taste good), and 60 jars of tomatoes. 

The sad part of it all is, I just don't have much time to spend on the creative side of music.  I haven't written a song for a while, and I am really missing that.  Plus, I really want to get my music on the internet, (like really bad) but that's totally taking a back seat right now while I am on this crazy roller coaster of a ride.

SE is in middle school this year, and her best friend moved away.  She is really struggling, so any prayers in her behalf would really be appreciated.  I wanted to pull her out of school so bad, but when the answer finally came after several weeks of praying, the simplified answer was, not now.  I am so glad the Lord is in charge because man I would mess things up.  But my heart aches for her.  I just have to trust, right/ . . . and I do.  It's the greatest comfort to know, when I can't be there for her at school and hold her, I know that someone else, so much more knowledgeable than me, is watching over her and helping her through this.  The gospel is the greatest thing in my life.  I am so incredibly grateful for a loving, kind, Heavenly Father who knows, hears and answers my prayers.

On the upbeat side, everyone else is doing great in school.  MJ especially LOVES his teacher this year.  Teachers really do make a HUGE difference.

Oops, it's been past my 20 minutes.  I've gotta run to the school now . . . so until next time, and I have no idea when that will be, see ya.  

Another Odd Gift

MJ's family baptism picture

    I know.  I am supposed to keep this blog updated.  But it is the summer time, and I also babysit (one time with 14 kids at a time - if you include my own).  Need I say more.  Finding time is a hard thing to do.  There are not enough hours in a day, and if there were, I still would not have the energy to do all that needs to be done.
    Whenever my son MJ asks for something for a birthday, Christmas, or something else, it is always something odd; not a typical present that a child his age would ask for.  One year, it was an extension cord.  We had to take it away after he blew out my electric piano though.  Another year he wanted sprinkler pipes.  They have come in handy several times.  One year it was tools; REAL tools, specifically a pipe wrench.  He had seen his dad get two of his stuck pipes apart with one and he wanted it BAD.  This year for his birthday, he told me, (a few days before), that he wanted a pine tree.  I thought that one fit the odd things list.  I had already gotten him a few gifts (sometimes it’s not so great to be prepared) and when I went to the store, they were quite a bit more than I wanted to spend, so I told him he would have to start saving for one.  He was not a happy camper.  Then a few days later, I was going through his school papers and I came across one he had written about a pine tree.  I realized this was not just a one time wish.

 

(It reads . . . " If I found a magic wand, I would make one pine tree appear in my back yard.  First I would climb the pine tree.  Next I would make a tree house.  Finally I would have a giant pine tree in my back yard.  That is what I would do if I found a magic wand.")

    Thankfully my amazing parents helped make the beginning part of his dream real. They were coming up for his baptism (which turned out so amazing, but that’s another story) and stopped by the same nursery we had gone to.  They even picked out the same tree he had wanted when we went.  Wow!  When they brought it in, MJ was sooooo excited.  The next day he woke up and said, “Mom, I have dreamed about having a pine tree before, but then when I wake up, I don’t have one.  This time I DO!” 
    Before Grandpa could leave to go home, MJ talked him into helping him plant it in the back yard.  They found a good spot, and with the help of his cousins, who also came for his baptism, they planted the pine tree. 

It's in!!!

The finished product!

It has been over a month since we planted it and he sits and measures it to see how fast it is growing.  He loves it and I hope it continues to grow just like his amazing testimony.